I’m not sure how it happened. All of a sudden, the Queen Helene Mint Julep Clay Masks and Bioré Pore Strips from my high school vanity are gone. My NuFace Electro-Current devices and collagen-regenerating serums took their place.

My pursuit of pore perfection has made room for an innate belief in any fairytale that will make fine lines live invisibly ever after. I’m almost 35 and I already want to look 29 again. I realize how ridiculous that sounds but it’s true.

I also know now that for women, there’s never really any “break” from the beauty cycle–and that might be half of the fun. Regardless of our age or personal insecurities, there will always be something on the market that promises to help–and I’m game to try it. Even the act of purchasing a new skin cream makes me feel infinitely more attractive. It’s as if very new product or skincare procedure presents us with an entirely new American dream: to look even hotter.

Last week, TikTok’s “aged” filter turned me into a 75 year-old. But, that 75 year-old had clearly never applied SPF, visited a dermatologist, or invested in color-correcting cosmetics. It’s the lines that I couldn’t get over. Though, the bulging lower eyelids gave me a shock too. Honestly, that filter was a nightmare. I couldn’t even follow the other creators who found humor in the scary versions of myself. This was too horrible to look at, let alone share.

Thankfully, my failed attempt at social media humor turned trauma coincided with Amazon Prime Day. Then, I remembered there are countless MedSpa’s in my neighborhood that promise skin-tightening and freezing procedures with minimal downtime too. I took a deep breath, pulled myself together, and took action. In other words, the seemingly innocent “Aged” filter on TikTok just made me drop my entire paycheck on skincare.

I wish I could be one of those effortlessly hot women that doesn’t even look twice in the mirror–except, I know that they don’t even exist. That’s one fact that keeps bringing me back. I know that I’m not alone–and, at least I’m honest about it.

So, until they reconstruct my neighborhood’s water system to tap the fountain of youth, I’ll try vitamin c, exfoliants, microneedling, microchanneling, hydrafacials, diamond facials, and every other promise on the market. The mere pursuit of ageless beauty is worth it.